Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
