I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
