oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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