He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
