Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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