i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
