My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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