So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
