i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
