it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
