everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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