Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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