It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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