Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
