their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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