I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
