Im at strip club and am horny
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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