Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just had sex on a roof
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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