So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
