sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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