A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
