But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
