your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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