who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
