Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
