I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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