Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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