I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
