I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
