Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
