we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
