I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
