i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
