Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
