dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
