just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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