You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
