I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
