birth control should be required to get into college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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