How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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