STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
