Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
