those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
