I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
