so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
