It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
