dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
