Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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