why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
