thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
