I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
